I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
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