It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
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