I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
