I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
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