I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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