he was CRYING into my vagina
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
Dude too much vodka. I think I just puked up my heart
That's what you get for taking that guy home. The god of sluttiness is frowning upon you.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
