highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
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It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
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Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
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