My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Randomize
