every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
