I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
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