It's 10am, I'm at grocery store buying booze b/c the bf just told me that he didn't "technically" break up with his ex.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
