did you get engaged???
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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