Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
