i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
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