If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
