did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
we did anal to Party In The USA and he busted to Firefies .. felt like we were fucking in a middle school dance
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
Randomize
