i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
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