how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
