Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
sarcasm needs its own font
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
It was weird, it was like my heart got a boner. Is this being an adult?
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
Randomize
