Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
Randomize
