Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
