Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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