You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
We'll wreck the fuck out of my furniture. How often does one really get the chance to fuck through a table with no negative consequences?
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Getting a smaller wine glass hasn’t changed the amount I drink—it just means I get more steps each day. Cheers to health!
Randomize
