Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
Randomize
