my mouth tastes like poor choices
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I woke up with $100 in my pocket and I was so excited until I found an atm receipt for a $500 withdrawal. Not as exciting.
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize
