You can't motorboat a personality
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
Randomize
