My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm drinking vodka. Get ready for my famous "come over" mass snapchats
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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