He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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