maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
He went all Bachlorette on me.. "I just want to guard and protect your heart" bullshit
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
