Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
