nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
