I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
