If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
A kid in my class today just asked if we have class on the 17th, then announced that he couldn't go anyways because it was the day after his 21 and he was going to be too hungover
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
