I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
He told me I couldn't drink an unopened bottle of water he had in his room because that was his emergency bong water
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Using a miniature baseball bat to kill a mosquito in the house may not have been the most efficient or safest way, but that thing is fucking dead. However, so are three wine glasses, a lamp, and my baseball bat privileges. Worth it.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
