I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
