Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
Just crushed a xanax into my chewing gum. Its gonna be a long, fucking up flight...
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
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