you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
Leave it to us to have a family reunion in a bar bathroom
Give us adventure or give us cock. Or cocktails.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
