peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
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