she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
