Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance