I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
These 19 Guys Hit The Cougar Jackpot
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
35 Disappointing People Who Failed At Sexting
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped