somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015