Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
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The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
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Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction