Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
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Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
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I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.