i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
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I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
Tumblr User Tells Story About A ‘Demon Gets Adopted By A Grandma’& It Needs To Be A F**king Movie
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Randomize
