America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Here’s Everything Coming To Netflix This July
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
19 Of The Creepiest (Most Inexplicable) Things People Experienced
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/