I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
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