every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
