you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
We both shit in the same closet in Santa Fe. Nothing is sacred anymore.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
