i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
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