dude, I just walked in on your little brother changing clothes...I'm ashamed to say I noticed, but that kid has as MASSIVE cock...
Yeah...we all know. it's the elephant in the room at family gatherings.
that is a frighteningly accurate metaphor for it.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
she bought my drinks all night, made me breakfast in the morning, and let me use her expensive hair products before i left. best one night stand ever.
Randomize
