i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
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