I hope mine doesn't look like that
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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