I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
