A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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