Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
Randomize
