Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How's work?
Spinning.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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