The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
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I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
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I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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