wanna go halves on a baby?
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yes she was blowing me but I couldnt see her face. The only light was from the sparklers she asked me to hold. I love 4th of July.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
The cat hopped on my bed and watched me masturbate naked with a vibrator. I've never felt more sorry in my entire life
Randomize
