I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
