I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
