hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
our cab driver is having phone sex.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
Randomize
