So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
Oh boy. Send him a care package with laxative cookies and alcohol. So he can shit himself while he's passed out drunk.
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
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