Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
