I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
