I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
