She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Randomize