Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
