i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
