I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
meet me or not, i'm out of control
people are starting to question the shark bite story
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
maybe if i keep dancing i won't throw up
I remember pointing out how smooth my legs were to try to direct his attention away from my vagina.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
