in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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