if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
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