Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Weirdest conversation with my dad. He just told me he didn't shave his pubes.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
At one point I thought we were going to have to fuck our way out of their apartment
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
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