So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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