you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
