I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
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