She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
kristin has been a bad kristin
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Randomize
