Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
Randomize
