Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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